Living With Abandon, Not Regret

I recently made a decision to not go on a mission trip to Kenya that was scheduled for November. Several people from my family and church expressed great concern due to the recent attack on Americans and Christians by terrorists in a mall in Nairobi. I understood their fears and concern, and with mixed emotion, allowed their concerns to influence me. However, I now find myself regretting that decision. I’ve been to Haiti several times and Kenya in July and have never really felt afraid. Maybe that is naiveté. But, just maybe, it is the calming and reassurance of the Holy Spirit. 

Joshua 1:9 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I trust His Word and His promises. I would rather live with abandon, and trust that God will protect me when I travel to reach out to his people in faraway places, than live with regret. I do not believe that I am here on this earth to just enjoy my life and prosperity. My faith is not just about going to church, studying the Bible, attending social events with other believers, and avoiding the worst sins. I believe God expects more.

In Richard Stearns book, "The Hole in the Gospel", he tells the story of how he was pursued by World Vision to be their CEO. He was making alot of money as the CEO of Lennox china, living the dream life, absorbed in his own existence. He ultimately made the choice to give up that life and is now making a difference among the poorest of the poor. Two of the questions he asked himself when trying to make his decision were, “What if there are children that will suffer somehow because I failed to obey God?” And,” What if my cowardice costs even one child somewhere in the world his or her life?”. These questions haunt me as I think back to children who would have died had a Mercy medical team not been there to intervene.

My life is changed as a result of being a member of those medical teams. Had I let fear prevent me from applying to be on a team back in 2010, I wouldn't have had the blessing of caring for and loving the poorest and most vulnerable among us.

I’ll close with a compelling quote from Saint Teresa of Avila:

“Christ has no body on earth but yours,

No hands but yours,

no feet but yours.

Yours are the eyes through which

Christ’s compassion for the world is to look out;

Yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;

And yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.”

Ghostwriter

I managed to use the few minutes I had for lunch the other day to scoot into Barnes and Noble for a cup of coffee and browse through the books. I could lose myself for hours in a bookstore. Bill tries to keep my out of Bookstores as I tend to buy alot of books but not get around to reading them. Anyway...seeing all the autobiographies , some by people I know and many by people I don't, made me think about a conversation I had with our daughter , Kate , this summer.

We had the opportunity to go to dinner by ourselves one evening and got into a discussion about expectations that people have of pastor's families. I told her that her Dad and I had often joked through the years about writing a book about real life in a pastor's family....and now that we're coming up on 25 years in the ministry..maybe it's time to start writing! Much to my surprise she was very excited by the idea. I think her comment was " Yeah Mom..you should do it! Someone has to tell people what it's really like! I can be your ghostwriter!" We discussed some details like what would I include and what would I need to leave out, who would my target audience be, how would I title the chapters (maybe The Perfect Husband, the Perfect Kids,The Perfect Life -I am kidding ;)...would anybody really read it?

I've always thought my target audience would actually be lay people..so they could see that so many of their expectations are unrealistic....and ...sometimes unfair. I want them to know that very human people serve as their pastors...people who love them and what they do but have many of the same struggles they do and maybe even a few they don't. I know that pastors are held to a higher standard even in the Bible but the real truth is that it is just very overwhelming sometimes and sometimes very lonely. I think my other target audience would be pastor's wives...and future pastor's wives. I came into this role with very unrealistic expectations. I read all of the books I could find on how to be a Pastor's wife...and actually thought.".How hard can it be?". Ha! Famous last words. It has been a struggle...lots of joyful moments getting to see God work in so many people's lives...BUT ...definitely a struggle.If I could help even one pastor's wife or future pastor's wife prepare for life in the ministry, then it would be worth it.

Still...not sure how I would ever sort through all of the stories and years of memories and create something enjoyable to read......and honest. If there is one thing I'm guilty of ( and I assure you, there are many)..it is that I haven't always....ok.... rarely, let people see the person behind the mask.

Had coffee with another pastor's wife friend of mine tonight. We joked about the title," Confessions of a Pastor's Wife". Now that might get a few readers. For now...I'll stick with blogging....and a little unveiling at a time;)

Legacy of Faith

Mother's Day is tomorrow and I can't think of a more fitting tribute than to talk about the legacy of faith my Mom has begun. I could't help but think about it while we we at the call service this past week. You see...if my mother had not gone to Bible Study Fellowship and daily talked about her faith with my Dad, my brother, and myself, I'm not sure our lives would have gone in the direction they have.

We had always gone to church and Sunday school for as long as I can remember, but I know that none of us really understood what it meant to commit our lives to Christ and to live out our faith until we began to see my Mom change as a result of attending an in- depth Bible study called Bible Study Fellowship. At first we kind of thought she'd gone off the deep end and become a religious fanatic. But as time went on and as God worked in our hearts, we gradually all came around. Of course, for yours truly, it took a major dramatic event in my life to get my attention. But , in the midst of that event God lead me to Campus Crusade for Christ and from there my life took a totally different direction. My brother also became involved in Navigator's while at college. He ended up a going to the seminary after finishing his undergraduate work. He's an incredible preacher and he and his wife have raised their children to know and love Christ. I went to visit him once at the seminary and met his dorm mate ....you guessed it...Bill Douthwaite.

God works in interesting ways ..doesn't he? One woman....influencing her entire family to seek the Lord..ends up with a son who becomes a pastor, a daughter who marries a pastor...and now a grandson who will soon be a pastor...as well as six other grandchildren who know the Lord and who, I have no doubt ,do, and will continue to live their lives serving God and bringing up their families to do the same.

I have no idea how my Mom ended up at the Bible study she attended. I imagine one of her friends repeatedly encouraged her to get involved in a Bible study. Thankfully..God nudged her....and she listened. The next time someone encourages you to get involved in a Bible study....I hope and pray you will listen. You just never know what legacy of faith you will begin.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. Thank you for the gift of life and faith, and for covering me, Jeff, and our families with prayer.

Call Day Memories

On Tuesday we'll fly to St. Louis for the vicarage call service. Adam and his classmates will all find out where they will be serving for the next year. For those non-lutherans..this is a sort of internship year when they will function in the pastor role...doing just about everything an ordained pastor would do. They have been able to give some preferences of where they'd like to go as far as area of the country , but they really won't know where they are going until it is announced at the service. You can feel the energy and excitement in the chapel as the seminary students and families assemble to hear their name and assignment announced.

It is really kind of strange to be reliving this from a Mom's perspective. You see....27 years ago, Bill and I were anxiously waiting to hear where we would spend the next year. My brother, also a second year sem student, was also going out on vicarage. My parents attended the service too. Now that I think about it.....they must have been quite anxious waiting to hear where their only two kids would be moving. Bill and I had some idea that we might be going to an inner city situation.....but ...hey....I was up for an adventure. How bad could it be? Ha....well.....can you say..."rats, and roaches, and slums...oh my!? That's another story for another day. As it turned out, we were assigned to inner city Baltimore, Maryland. My brother was assigned to a church in Colorado. A once close family was now going to be many miles apart. I know through the years people have said to my parents, " you must be very proud to have both of your children in the ministry?". I'm sure they are...but most people don't have any idea of the cost involved.

I get the same question in regard to Adam's choice to go into the pastoral ministry. And...I am incredibly proud of him. I'm excited for him as he moves on to fulfill God's purpose for his life...and it is SO obvious that this is what God has called him to. Wherever he ends up...I know it is God's plan and he will be blessed and be a blessing to others.Still.....the Mom in me is still praying that he will be closer than Colorado. Anyone know of any great frequent flyer mile plans ?;)

Boomerang kids

I've been inspired by my older daughter, Kate, to start blogging again (she's actually encouraged me to write a book- but that's a blog topic for another day). Little did she know she would end up being the topic in a blog post.

Both of my older children have moved back home for brief periods of time after leaving home to regroup and figure out their next step in life. Neither were happy to be moving back home as they are both fiercely independent (can't imagine where they got that). I, on the other hand, was thrilled to have them back, if only for a short time. When I look back at the times they have returned, I can see God's hand in it....almost as if it were more for me than for them.

Adam came home at a time when, what I viewed as three significant losses, occurred in my life. My parents moved back to Arizona after living here for about three years, Katie started her first year at the University of Florida, and a friendship that had been very important to me dissolved. It may not be a good thing, but Adam's presence helped me hold it together. He learned alot ....and he taught his Mom a few things too.

When Katie moved to Atlanta after graduating from UF , I was thrilled for her new adventure but so heart sick that she would be a little too far away to see very often. She wasn't happy with her job .....and as a Mom..that makes it even worse when you can't help a situation and you aren't even close by. She finally decided the only way to find another job and be available for interviewing was to leave Atlanta, move home, and do some serious job hunting. Yay.....for me at least. No huge losses this time....but just a need to have family around.  Liv needed her big sister and I needed to make sure she was happy. She wasn't home for long and while she was here she was busy and so was I , but the time we had together ......priceless.

Adam will boomerang back here in June as he gets ready to move to his assigned vicarage church. The timing again...perfect. He'll be here to preach so that his Dad can have a break. He'll be around for his little sis for one last summer before she gets her license and independence. Kate is close by so that means all of us together more often......at least for a little while. God' gift....God's timing.